Sunday, May 15, 2016
The Shade Tree Choir: Depression Survival: Boredom Has Been Good To Me
The Shade Tree Choir: Depression Survival: Boredom Has Been Good To Me: Boredom Has Been Good To Me “Let us endeavor to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” ...
Depression Survival: Boredom Has Been Good To Me
Boredom Has Been Good To Me
“Let us endeavor to live so that when we come to die even the
undertaker will be sorry.”
Mark Twain
Rebecca Anhalt, founder of Healthy Mind Better Life, wrote a blog July 31, 2015, titled “Can
Boredom Trigger Depression?”
In her blog, Rebecca quoted J. Eastwood from his article in
Sage Journal, “The Unengaged Mind.” Eastwood stated, “Boredom is wanting but
being unable to engage in satisfying activities.”
Eastwood wrote there’s an inability to connect to internal
and/or external stimuli. Anhalt described the results of a loss of connecting
to external stimuli can be loneliness and hopelessness. She described it as nothing
in our environment holds our attention. A loss of internal connection can make
one feel disengaged from thought processes. Anyone with a history of PTSD may
uncover suppressed, negative thoughts or situations.
Being unable to connect may lead to negative thinking or unhealthy
attitudes. Some negative thinking may be: Black & White (All-Or-Nothing)
thoughts, overgeneralization, unreasonable expectations of ourselves, jumping
to conclusions and blaming others. I smiled reading these because many are part
of my character.
I agree with Rebecca Anhalt when she wrote that boredom could
also lead to positive experiences. Creative juices might begin to flow or we
might find purpose in life.
Boredom has been good to me and I have found purpose in life
because of it. I seek out projects, new life experiences and look for the
deeper meaning to life. It’s probably my liberal arts education in
undergraduate school that has led me to a lifelong learning process. I love to
learn new activities. I sometimes counteract the wave of depression by looking
for new hobbies to learn, stories to write or pictures to draw.
Experiencing new events improves my self-image and
re-affirms a belief that I can achieve anything I set my mind to accomplish. In
some cases, these activities offer an adrenalin rush.
In my book, PALS: Part Two, there are short stories about catching
alligators by hand at night in the Florida swamps, having lunch with guerrilla
fighters from Nicaragua and rafting some dangerous waters around America. Experiences that fill me with the adrenalin
rush help me combat my life-long clinical depression. I feel alive when I am in
those situations.
In my book, The Shade Tree Choir, Krame pressed his nose to
the dust-covered screen in his bedroom window that hot July night. He made
himself a promise nobody would ever again hurt him and one day he would get
away from his abusive home life. He became focused and succeeded in achieving
anything he set his mind to do. I am Krame. That book is about my childhood.
I am better at some things than others. We all are. I am not
good at golf but find it fun to play and to learn new techniques – like how to
properly hit a ball into the woods. And of course, it’s fun to learn new ways
to cheat without getting caught. I don’t keep score and people I play with know
I don’t take the game seriously. I enjoy learning all I can about fishing. I
throw all the fish back that I catch. Someday I wish I would catch more. There
was a time I studied and learned how to white water raft. Two of the several
places I rafted included the Grand Canyon and the Gauley River in West Virginia.
The motto for the rafting company on the Gauley is, “Where Nobody Hears You
Scream.” Trust me, people heard me scream.
I took horseback riding lessons that led me to cattle drives
and eventually working cattle on horseback. That experience further led me to
writing and performing cowboy poetry. After years of travelling America and
performing my cowboy poetry, I was given the honorary title of the Cowboy Poet
Laureate of Tennessee. Our governor and General Assembly gave this honor to me.
Boredom led my childhood friend and I to open a clothing
store selling second lines of blue jeans. We called our store “Sons-A-Britches.”
That experience led me to sell T-shirts to physical therapists in America. I
printed the spine on the back of the shirt and on the front was printed,
“Physical Therapy, The Backbone of Rehabilitation.” I did that for a short
time. I became bored with it.
I was a co-owner of a hospital supply business, a B&B
and owned a speaking company based on a book I wrote about stress management. I
read an article one Sunday in the Miami Herald about a lady who wrote a book on
that topic. I remember thinking how I taught my patients stress techniques and
could also write a book. It didn’t stop there. I created a company where
professionals could receive continuing education credits by attending my
classes.
One day I was bored and wondered what my next project might
be. Quiet time offered the ideas to flow into my head and I produced two
training videos that I sold in America. One was how to safely move patients and
the other was how to prevent back injuries for the equestrian. That video
allowed me to write articles for several international journals.
I believe that if we are quiet and let our minds relax there
will be doors of adventure that will open. I learned how to make soap, pottery,
simple jewelry, baskets, woodworking and stained glass. I recently started
teaching myself to draw.
From Sketchbook to
Scrapbook, is the name of a book of art my sister and I created together.
We don’t sell it. We made it for our own personal enjoyment. It was the first
thing she and I ever did together. That was the best part. We did it for
ourselves. We did it for the enjoyment.
I have written many books in a variety of genres and am now
working on a couple children’s books. In addition to writing the books, I am
doing some of the artwork. I write for only me. I draw for only me. I do these
things for my personal growth and often because I was bored.
I think the neighbors down the street are happy I learned to
play my saxophone and play it only for me with all doors and windows shut. I
especially like it when the coyotes sing along when I play. Playing my
instrument is like golf. I enjoy it but am not very good.
When was the last time you jumped up and started to dance?
When was the last time you let that little kid out and had some fun? I love to
be spontaneous and try to suck the marrow out of life. It’s one of my methods
to control my depression. I am attaching a link below to give you an example of
being a kid and doing something totally out of character. It’s called,
“Reggae-Rap by Old White Guy.”
So, I challenge you with this thing called boredom. The next
time you might be bored or hit with a wave of depression maybe relax and see if
doors of opportunity open. Go sit in the woods, along a river or on a cliff and
let the wind do its thing with your mind. You may find a new adventure.
My drawing at the top of this blog represents two things to
me. The mosaic pieces show there are many methods to treat your depression. One
of those for me is to draw. Secondly, I believe we are all made of those mosaic
pieces from life experiences and each of us is a beautiful piece of art. I plan
to add many more to mine before I am finished.
Some Links
Sunday, May 8, 2016
The Shade Tree Choir: Depression Survival: Trees
The Shade Tree Choir: Depression Survival: Trees: Trees The cool breeze blew across my face that Mother’s Day in May of 1956. The wind lifted the branch I straddled high atop that huge ...
Depression Survival: Trees
Trees
The cool breeze blew across my face that Mother’s Day in May
of 1956. The wind lifted the branch I straddled high atop that huge evergreen
tree as I rode my pretend horse. I was lifted toward the clouds and back down
to the reality of earth. The seeping sap stuck to my tiny hands and I knew I
wouldn’t fall.
Two hours earlier I sat at my uncle’s desk next to a stack
of magazines I had collected from the rack next to his favorite chair. I stood
on my tiptoes and lifted the scissors from the container at the far end of that
massive wood structure. I glanced at the scotch tape dispenser and smiled when
I opened the second drawer on the right hand side of his desk. I took a piece
of typing paper and laid it in front of me. All the tools I needed were at my
disposal for the creation of the grandest Mother’s Day gift ever made.
I was slow and precise when I printed each letter at the top
of the paper with my pencil. Word by word came to life until it was finished.
The title read, “Why I Love My Mom. Happy Mother’s Day. David.”
I turned page after page seeking the best pictures that
would bring a smile to my mom’s face. She didn’t smile much and that was my
ultimate goal, I suppose. My gift was to brighten her day. I cut as many
pictures as I could fit on that piece of paper and carefully arranged them. I
bit my lower lip to help me concentrate while I pulled and tore scotch tape
that would secure each piece of my artwork.
My out-stretched arms held my masterpiece before me and I
was filled with pride. She would love it. And she would love me. I cleaned the
area and put everything away. I didn’t want to get caught destroying magazines
and getting yelled at again for making a mess.
The familiar smell of alcohol filled my nostrils when she
turned and belched toward me. She set her can of Hamm’s beer on the kitchen
table when I interrupted her conversation with my aunt. “What now? What do you
want?”
“Look what I made for you. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.” I said
when I handed her my gift.
My smile ran away. My nose stung and my eyes filled with
water. I blinked and refused to allow tears to drop down my face because of her
reaction. “That’s it? That’s why you interrupted me?”
I can’t remember what I did for the next many minutes. It
was some time later when I lifted the trashcan lid in the kitchen to throw
something away. There before me was a crumpled piece of paper that made me stop
and pause. A Hamm’s beer can was on top of the paper. Beer stains made the
pencil marks run across the page, but I could still read the words, “Why I Love
My Mom.”
And so it was, I ran away to that place of comfort at my
uncle’s house. I climbed to the top of the tree in his front yard. I rode my
horse and I cried. I was seven years old. That was some sixty-years ago.
I find solace in the forest and in the mountains sitting on
cliffs that hang over the valleys far below. Nature has a way with calming my
soul. For it is amongst the trees where that little boy inside me finds
comfort.
Today, on this Mother’s Day, I think I shall go to the woods
and be still.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
The Shade Tree Choir: The Shade Tree Choir Depression Survival: Insomnia...
The Shade Tree Choir: The Shade Tree Choir Depression Survival: Insomnia...: The Shade Tree Choir Depression Survival Insomnia and Depression “ Get up and come with me!” Dad said as he jabbe...
The Shade Tree Choir Depression Survival: Insomnia & Depression
The Shade Tree Choir
Depression Survival
Insomnia and Depression
“ Get up and come with
me!” Dad said as he jabbed his index finger into the left side of my chest.
He pulled the covers
off, and I was startled when I realized it was morning. I also was embarrassed
because of my erection. It’s perfectly normal for little boys to wake with an
erection when they have to pee. I tried covering myself with my hands the best
I could when he shoved me down the steps to the living room and past Ma who was
sitting smoking. She had heard it all but neither said nor did anything to save
me.
“Get down those God
damn steps right now!”
“Please not another
beating, please,” I thought to myself.
He shoved me to the
second room of the 150-year-old basement lined with limestone. His right arm
flung in the darkness and he found the chain for the 40-watt light bulb that
provided more shadows than illumination. There, at the far end of the cellar,
was the doorway hiding the steps that once led up to the backyard and was now
entombed with the new patio cement.
“Get your ass in there
and do not come out until I tell you to. Do you understand me?”
I nodded my head and
entered the cramped space. The metal latch locked me in and quickly the shadows
were replaced with total darkness. It was 7:30 in the morning.”
“The Shade Tree Choir”
By
David Nelson
I was eight years old when that event happened to me. I was
locked in the space until 10 p.m. and then forced to return to my bed in the
upstairs hallway. I had not eaten nor had any water in over thirty-six hours.
Six decades later, I can close my eyes and feel his finger in my chest.
My entire life I have had difficulty sleeping. I don’t know
if the psychiatrist who treated me a long time ago for PTSD and clinical
depression was correct. Her theory was that maybe I have a deep fear of being
awakened by something that might harm me. I don’t know if there is a genetic
factor or other physiological cause of my insomnia. Scientists and behavioral
clinicians have differing viewpoints about depression. Truth is, nobody knows for certain.
Another truth is that I have clinical depression, sleep
apnea, insomnia and restless leg syndrome. According to the Restless Leg
Syndrome Foundation, 40% of people with Restless Leg Syndrome suffer from
depression. Nobody knows for certain if sleep deprivation can spark episodes of
depression or the other way around. I can only tell you about my experiences
with sleep loss and the relationship with my other diagnoses.
Exercise is an excellent method to combat depression. When I
wake exhausted because of two to three hours sleep, the last thing I want to do
is go to the gym. I force myself to work out three or four times a week. My
sleep pattern dictates the intensity level of the workout. I no longer snore
and I enjoy those infrequent nights of eight hours sleep, thanks to my C-PAP
machine. I had a sleep study years ago and have used my machine ever since. I
control my restless leg syndrome with medications and no longer jump, hop and
kick while sleeping. I try not to take naps during the day. I know that caffeine
in the afternoon can hinder my sleep pattern, as does alcohol in the evening.
My physician treating me for sleep apnea refuses to give me
sedating, anti-depressant medications. He says research shows there is
potential to suppress breathing and worsen my condition. I did attempt
medications for depression and stopped them. I gained some forty pounds and my
personality changed where I experienced no emotion at all. I likened it to
being flat-lined. I have lost twenty-two pounds on my way back to “recovery.”
I no longer go to the car wash in the middle of the night
and then wax my truck under the floodlights in the driveway. I no longer take
three-hour drives while the rest of the world sleeps. I smile to think I might
be getting better. I know better. Instead, I work in my office. I experience
some of the best creative moments writing or drawing between 1 a.m. and
sunrise. I have always been that way and suspect it shall remain such.
Symptoms of depression vary from person
to person. The following is a list of the most common symptoms. Some depression
patients have only one of these, while others may have some, most or all:
·
Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness
and sadness
·
Thoughts of death or suicide
·
Loss of interest in things that were
once pleasurable
·
Concentration problems
·
Forgetfulness
·
Loss of libido
·
Changes in weight and appetite
·
Daytime sleepiness
·
Loss of energy
·
Insomnia
It’s one thing to read a list of symptoms. Here is a real account
of what life can be like for someone with depression. I received this from a
friend two days ago. He is a high-functioning member of society and successful.
Depression knows no boundaries.
“Nothing feels good, nothing sounds fun,
nothing tastes good and I can't sleep but I never want to get out of bed. My
teeth hurt from grinding them, my joints ache, it feels like someone is sitting
on my chest and I have randomly started crying about 7 times today. All I can
think about is my failures, my losses and how any effort I've put into life has
been for naught. My brain races through every disaster in my life and
tells me that it's all my fault. It tells me I've failed my friends and family;
I failed my mother; I've failed as an artist and musician. I've become the very
thing I promised my youthful self I would never be. This is depression. I hide
it well, but this is what consumes me and millions of others behind closed
doors in the darkness of our imagination. When people ask me how I am, I
usually lie and say I'm great, or good, or not bad. When really I'm thinking
about horrible ways to end it. I didn't choose to be this way, but I will
choose to fight it. Just remember, not everyone has the support system I do, or
the education I have received. If you know someone with depression, bipolar or
anxiety, please reach out to them today and join their fight. Much love to
those who fight with me.”
Suggestions for your consideration:
·
If you experience ideations of suicide
immediately call 911. You are not a weak person. You are someone who needs
immediate medical help.
·
Demand a complete physical including a
cardiac stress test. There is a correlation between heart disease, insomnia and
depression.
·
If you snore or kick your legs while
sleeping demand a referral for a sleep study. You too may have sleep apnea
and/or restless leg syndrome that can be treated.
·
No caffeine past noon.
·
Limit alcohol to one ounce for women
and two ounces for men before bedtime.
·
Hobbies that require deep concentration
may help you sleep better. For many years, I created stained glass artwork and
now have a new hobby. I am teaching myself to draw. When I get into the “creative
zone”, I have no time for the pity-pot attitude that can hinder my sleep.
·
No matter how tired you are during the
day try to get some exercise. Gretchen Reynolds with the NY Times reported on a
study from McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario about the benefit of a
one-minute all-out exercise. The article was written in the NY Times on
4-27-16. The study found a one-minute routine that is as effective as a forty-five minute
workout of moderate exertion.
·
Try purging negative thoughts before
going to bed. For me, writing stories, poems or lists sometimes helps.
Communicating with your spouse can be another method of release.
·
Write down all the positive things you
did today. Try writing all the positive characteristics about yourself. Learn
to love yourself. One of my other Blogs covers this topic. (4-23-16)
·
Try to manage stressors in your life. I
have written other blogs on that topic that you can read. (5-19-13)
·
I mentioned in previous blogs about
trying visualization, deep breathing exercises and playing CDs with sounds of
nature or music you find relaxing to help you get to sleep.
·
Lastly, buy any of my books and read
for a few minutes before going to sleep. I had to throw that in there and sit
here with a smile. It’s good to find humor in life.
My
Blog Location: http://www.davidnelsonauthor.com/shadetreechoir/
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