Finding Serenity

Tools to Combat Stress and Depression

 

In my novel, "The Shade Tree Choir" the main character's name is Krame. He is eight years old and physically abuse by his alcoholic father. He is kicked, punched, starved, locked in darkness, and forced to stand at attention leaning into the corner of two walls. His mother is of no help as she too is an alcoholic and is mentally ill. He receives no guidance, no maternal support, and is only concerned with physical survival! His childhood is lost. He has no innocence. From constant stress, one of his 'friends' becomes chaos. He learns to accept that emotion and is a master at living with it. He also learns not to trust, he has a fear of abandonment, he hides behind a wall of emotional protection, and he realizes all he has is himself!

"The Shade Tree Choir" is a story of success and not one of doom and gloom. Many years later, Krame's father realizes the mistakes he made. He tells Krame such. While emotional damage was done as a child, Krame forgives! That is step one for all of us battling various forms of mental illness. In my opinion, that is the first step in self-healing. If we continue to live with hatred in our hearts, we will not progress. We will not heal. Having this 'baggage' hooked to our spirits is like dragging a chair with our foot all day, and every day!

I am that character, Krame! I have suffered from Clinical Depression my entire life. I was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I love myself and where I am in Life. I forgave my father many years ago. I also love him and have missed him since he died many years ago. Rebecca Anhalt has written several fantastic Blogs related to mental health. One of them that comes to mind right now is when she wrote about 'what goes into our minds - comes out in our actions'. Basically, Rebecca tells us that if we put negative thoughts into our minds, negative actions result. You can find her at www.rebeccaanhalt.com

As a physical therapist, I can tell you that our minds are the most receptive when we wake up. If you will spend just three minutes picturing yourself as a good and kind person and 'right with the world', you will have a better chance of having a great day. This is called Mental Imagery.

Another tool for managing stress and depression is exercise. As a physical therapist, I am aware that exercising is boring. One of the last activities I wanted to do in the past was to exercise. It was easier to stay inactive and on the self pity-pot. I assure you that I am aware of how tough it is to begin. Maybe start with a walk in your neighborhood. Forming a group of walkers develops the positive social activity that is needed for full recovery. Do NOT walk and gripe about things the entire way. That is counter-productive.

Exercise has been proven to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Many years ago at the University of California, San Francisco there was a study done with a group of drama students. Blood was drawn from each student and the levels of 'happy hormones' such as endorphin and serotonin were determined. The students were divided into two groups and told to go off on their own and act a 'part'. One group was the 'Sad Oh". They had to act the part of a very sad person (or -Oh) using every emotion they could gather. the other groups was a 'Happy Oh"! They were full of excitement. They were filled with joy! After some thirty minutes, they returned and had their blood drawn and tested again to compare results with their baseline. Those who were 'happy' had elevated levels of serotonin and endorphin. Those who were 'sad' had decreased levels! In short, this is what Rebecca writes about in her Blog. "Our bodies react to the costume we wear"!

Some people spend a lifetime blaming others for how they feel. There could be a history of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or any other attacks on us. I appreciate my past. It is a part that makes me unique from all others. I have learned to embrace my past, hold it up and look at it, and let go. I am proud that what I went through made me stronger. It has allowed me to share with the world where I am today in my recovery. In April, 2012, I was an emotional wreck and today, that seems like a million miles ago. The final straw was the result of a six year, frivolous, civil law suit. A couple months ago they dropped the charges after destroying me emotionally and hurting me financially. There will come a day when I can forgive them - but not just yet! I want to drag the chair around (that I mentioned earlier) a little longer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference." That is the Serenity Prayer used by AA folks and other support groups. It also applies to us who suffer depression and stress. Let go! Get off the pity-pot! We cannot change the past, but we sure can learn from it.

I believe what we give to others, we give to ourselves. If we spew negative thoughts toward others we will be negative. The opposite is also true. Author, Dan Hays has an excellent book titled "Freedom's Just Another Word" that tells a story about his abuse from his alcoholic father and emotionally distraught grandmother who passed on to Dan an image of no self-worth. After years of struggling he made it 'over the hump'. I recommend you buy his book (after you buy mine first - kidding), as it is a good story and so well written. He has a wealth of information on his web site and other social media. The reason I mention Dan Hays to you is that he also believes in passing on kindness. It comes back ten-fold! By helping others we help ourselves. Donate your time with a non-profit, help the less fortunate, use the phrase 'Pay It Forward". I assure you, the stress will reduce and your depression will lessen.

Lastly, find a hobby that requires your concentration. I write and create stained glass. The photo at the top is one work I hope you enjoy. Other activities might include: Learn to play an instrument, create a small garden, write poetry, make woodworking projects, and create jewelry. Share with all of us what your hobbies are!

Summary Tips

* Forgive Others

* Use Mental Imagery

* Exercise

* Embrace Who You Are

* Use the Serenity Prayer

* Give to Others "Pay It Forward"

* Develop a Hobby 

Fibromyalgia / Depression / Anxiety

Breaking the Cycle

As a physical therapist with some forty years experience, I have treated thousands of patients with fibromyalgia. I am a certified specialist in arthritis through the American Physical Therapy Association. I am a former Tai Chi instructor through the Arthritis Foundation. I meditate regularly, and am considered an authority on diseases affecting the muscles, joints, and bones. This system is called the musculoskeletal system. My sub-specialty has been treating pain. Many years ago, I wrote the book called Stress Management: Does Anyone in Chicago Know About It?  I traveled America teaching the public stress management techniques.

Fibromyalgia is a medical condition where painful sensations are amplified by the way your brain and spinal cord process pain signals. The pain is real. The pain is magnified. The pain can be debilitating for many. One major problem with fibromyalgia is that you look perfectly healthy. Outsiders, or even family members may think you are 'faking' the problem. Symptoms may include issues with sleep, fatigue, memory, and mood. Other symptoms may include an increase in depression and anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome, tension headaches, and TMJ dysfunction. The common denominator is pain.  Healthcare practitioners can struggle to find the best modality for your treatment. This may include medications, physical therapy, psychological counseling, and/or alternative therapies such as yoga, meditation, massage therapy, or acupuncture.

The exact cause is uncertain. Cases have been reported following surgery, a physical trauma, infection, and/or psychological stress.  There is no cure for the disease! There are some 109 different types of arthritis. The Arthritis Foundation classifies fibromyalgia as a type of arthritis because of the painful joints involved. The pain can change in intensity and in location. Pain is universally classified between 'one' and 'ten'. The rating of a 'one' is no pain. The rating of a 'ten' is that you have to go to the hospital. Any number over a 'six' is considered serious pain. People with this disease typically have pain over a 'six' on almost any given day. One day the pain might be in the neck, the next day in the lower back, and so forth. It is a troubling disease for those of us trying to help people with the problems, because of the widespread symptoms.

I would imagine that each of you reading this Blog have had pain at one time or another. If you would look back at that time, I ask what did you look like physically? How did you feel mentally? I would guess that nearly all of you would describe changes in posture and a sense of being depressed. When someone is in pain their posture changes dramatically. They slouch forward with the head pulled forward and down. Their shoulders are rounded, they bend forward at the low back, and appear as if they are trying to roll up into a ball. Let's say for a moment that you have an awful toothache. How would you feel emotionally? Do you feel like having a party, want to go dancing, or laugh? No, of course not. You may feel depressed. You may feel sad. You want to be left alone.

Depression with pain is a common syndrome. Why? I believe because we have no control over the pain. Pain then affects our ability to function. Physicians have found long ago that if pain can be reduced after surgery there is quicker healing. Now, imagine someone with fibromyalgia who is in this state every day! It's no wonder they would benefit from counseling. It's no wonder they have muscle problems from poor posture placing a strain on the muscles. It's no wonder tension headaches and TMJ Dysfunction occur because of the pain and the depression combined. As depression increases so does the anxiety level.

I believe the treatment should include visits with a physical therapist. He/She can evaluate your posture, determine areas of muscle tightness, teach you proper body mechanics (lifting, pushing, pulling, carrying, etc.). If you are having tension headaches or TMJ Dysfunction, the physical therapist can assist you. As with any medical treatment, ask what kind of experience the therapist has regarding your main problems. There are many excellent therapists - then there are the 'others'. The therapist may be able to direct you to classes on arthritis or even where you will find yoga instructors. All this must be combined with medications controlled by your physician. Also psychological counseling can be a great tool.

There is no proven research that avoiding certain foods helps eliminate fibromyalgia. We do know that managing your lifestyle can be beneficial. Remember, there is no cure. Here are some ways to evaluate your lifestyle:

• Find quiet time for yourself where you may even meditate
• If you are overweight, lose the weight
• Work on Stress Management techniques
• Learn deep breathing exercises
• Massage Therapy may give temporary relief
• Attend classes in your community involving neck and/or low back pain prevention
• Use your prescribed medications as directed
• Do all exercises given to you by your physical therapist
• Address your depression. Do you abuse drugs or alcohol? Are you a victim of abuse?

If you would like my personal opinion on your individual problem, I will be happy to help. Leave a comment here on my Blog. Feel free to always ask about anything I have written and I will explain further. 

Be sure to watch my book trailer about child abuse from alcoholic parents. The book is called "The Shade Tree Choir". The trailer is located at the top of this Blog with the book cover.

Insomnia and Depression

Insomnia and Depression

Everyone has times in their lives where they feel depressed.  This is different from the clinical definition of depression.  Those who suffer clinical depression also can have great difficulty with sleep.  A lack of sleep then complicates the depression even further.  People who are bi-polar also have symptoms aggravated with a lack of sleep.  Come to think of it, all of us need proper deep sleep.  Without the deep sleep that our brains demand, physical and mental ailments are increased.

Our brains need three components to function properly.  These include increased blood flow, proper nutrition, and deep sleep where the brain is allowed to dream.  The expected result of deep sleep is to allow the body to heal - both physically and mentally. If we do not reach REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, then we suffer.  Daily stressors will be magnified.  Our poor mental states will slip backwards like sliding on ice.  Without REM sleep, there is reduced healing physically and mentally.

  Increased blood flow is attained in part from exercise.  Nutrition is attained with proper diet. You can locate all types of articles about 'brain foods' on the internet.  Deep sleep is a problem for many with depression.  I was one of those.  Notice, I used the word 'was'.  Until six months ago, I never slept all the way through a night for some twenty five years!  It was common for me to wake from a sleep and be up for hours.  There were times when I would drive to the car wash and then return home to wax my car, clean the engine, vacuum the interior - all in the middle of the night.  Other times I would drive for a couple hours and then return home.  I woke tired, I worked tired, and I had difficulty functioning.

What was my secret?  First I had a thorough physical exam.  I was referred for a sleep study and the results showed I suffered from sleep apnea. If you snore - you NEED a sleep study! I was prescribed a C-PAP breathing machine.  I also suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome and was given medication to control that.  Lastly, because of clinical depression and anxiety syndrome due to PTSD I was given medication to help me sleep.  All of it worked!  I finally wake up rested and no longer feel like I am in a 'fog'!

In the Community I started on Google Plus, called "Mental Health Issues", I see reports from many members having difficulty sleeping.  I tell them what worked for me.  I avoid caffeine after noon.  Alcohol can reduce sleep patterns. I use my C-PAP all night long.  If I am having an 'event' that creates stress for me, I will write about it or talk about it.  My goal is to purge that stress from me the best I can.  I may use deep breathing techniques.  I may also perform positive visualization in my mind.

In the past I tried many homeopathic remedies.  I tried listening to sounds of a rain forest. On one occasion, all was well until that Howler Monkey started screaming!  That didn't work so well.  I then tried sounds of the ocean (monotonous), rain on a tin roof (irritating), classical music (great until the drums and cannons were fired in Tchaikovsky's piece).  I soaked in a hot bath only to be even more awake!  I tried hot chocolate and warm milk only to gain weight.  I rolled to different positions and changed sides of the bed (then, even the cat left the room).

My advice is try to purge negative thoughts, get a physical exam to rule out medical problems, and get plenty of exercise.  Now if it's the middle of the night and you feel you need to exercise, drive to a high-crime area, park your car, and see how long before you have to run like a zebra!  You will return home and sleep just fine. 

 I mentioned deep breathing.  As a physical therapist, I taught the following technique many times in my forty year career. First off, avoid what are called 'burp foods' after the noon meal.  These are foods that create increased abdominal gasses and push against your diaphragm.  Eating these can make it difficulty for some to breathe.  Anyone who has any form of COPD should avoid these at all costs.  The include: broccoli, cauliflower, beets, and some beans.  Again, I refer you to the internet.  The two best sources I have found are the Mayo Clinic and the Cleveland Clinic.  Now back to proper breathing.  Inhale deeply through your nose, hold your breath for six seconds and then blow out like you are blowing through a straw - not a tailpipe on a 1957 Chevy!  Do this six times and you may indeed find a tremendous calming result. This pursed lip breathing will help lower blood pressure, reduce heart rate, and develop a sense of calm.

Positive Visualization is also helpful in stressful times.  This was best reported by Rebecca Anhalt in her Blog at http://Wp.me/p2Uewb-2t or you may find her at www.rebeccaanhalt.com. She has many excellent articles.  There are two that relate to my Blog here. "Change your Thoughts, Change your World" and "Top 10 Negative Thought Patterns and How They Affect You!"  In a nutshell, what you put into your mind is what will come out.  Positive will be positive.  Negative will be negative. I would recommend everyone follow her Blog.

Lastly, I mentioned writing or purging by venting.  I find writing more useful.  If I am having an issue with a person (dead or alive), I will write a letter to that person and I write until all negative feelings are gone.  I will say anything I want and in any way I want.  When I feel better, I tear the material up and throw it away.  This is a great technique if you are having trouble with a spouse or significant other.  Just be certain to throw it deep into the trash.  If it is discovered, you will have a whole new set of problems.

In my novel, "The Shade Tree Choir" the main character, Krame has great difficulty sleeping due to the physical abuse he suffers from his alcoholic father.  At this age of eight, he develops what is called a neural pathway in the brain.  That pathway becomes what his body feels is 'normal'.  As Krame ages, sleep loss is a normal routine for him.  How would I know what Krame experiences?  I am that character!

If you want to help others, join my Community, "Mental Health Issues", on Google Plus and share what works for you.  If you want to help me, BUY my novel!  Thanks

"The Day The Laughter Ended"

I was abandoned by a mentally ill mother at about age six months.  I was eventually reunited with her a few weeks later.  I was physically abused by an alcoholic step-father until age seventeen.  I received little, or no maternal support from my mother as she too was an alcoholic and mentally ill.  I was beaten with the buckle ends of belts, kicked with steel-toed boots, and forced to stand at attention for hours on end leaning into a corner. I was starved, deprived of water, and locked away in a darkened stairwell for some eighteen hours with only insects and heat to keep me company. All of this is told in my novel, "The Shade Tree Choir".

But... I survived

I graduated from college and received a post-graduate degree.  I am a retired physical therapist, author, public speaker, and the Cowboy Poet Laureate of Tennessee.  I am also an ergonomist, a comedian, and was honored to carry the Olympic Flame for the 1996, Atlanta Games. I suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety.  The brief glimpse into me and my illness may hopefully give you readers some insight into your own situations or may help you to help others.

Our Two Brains

According to one school of thought we each have two brains.  There is the 'Old Brain' which is comprised of the brain stem and cerebellum. It is often referred to as the reptile or lizard brain. This brain was the basic mechanism for our primitive ancestors even before the dinosaurs.  It is here that reflex responses arise, repetitive routines are stored (spelling, basic arithmetic, grammar), and animalistic attributes are remembered.  Fear, anxiety, drives for water, food, and sex are found in this part of the brain.  Experiences gained through trauma from we were small children are also stored here.  All of these experiences never go away.  Experiences we had as small children set up in what is called a neural pathway.  The neural pathway is a learned response to a situation - either positive or negative.  The neural pathway is also always there and never goes away.  Another trauma later in life can re-activate that pathway. Reaction times are some ten times faster in this part of the brain compared to the 'New Brain'.

The new brain is the cerebrum. It is about 2/3 of our total brain size and is divided into right and left hemispheres.  It is here that we learn language and motor skills, intelligence is created, personality is developed, and thinking skills are created as well.  An example of how the old and new brains correlate with one another is driving and talking on the phone.  Driving and talking on a phone forces us to use the cerebrum and reduces the activity of the cerebellum. The reaction times stored in the cerebellum are reduced by ten fold.  The reduced reaction time is why it is dangerous to talk on a phone while driving.

Ages 1-3 Set the Stage for Life

Literature review shows studies done by Professor Allan Schore from UCLA on postmortem brains of children.   He reports the brain size of children with little or no interaction with their mothers have a significantly reduced brain size.  In living subjects, these people have reduced intelligence, less able to empathize with others, may be addicted to drugs, may be involved with violent crime, and have high pre-disposal to violent crime.  He further reports that 80% of our brain cells will be manufactured in the first two years of life.  Any deficits will be permanent. The growth of brain cells is a consequence of an infant's interaction with its mother.  It is his opinion that during these formative years nurture and nature cannot be disentangled.

The neural pathways developed as children from abuse are powerful and deep in the brain.  They are ever-present but with treatment they can be kept quiet.  Traumatic events later in life can ignite them back to life, and a diagnosis of PTSD may be given. Therapy is needed at that point.  Therapy may come in the form of medication, talk-therapy, or a combination of both.  Other supplemental forms of treatments may include yoga, meditation, and exercise (among others). Overcoming PTSD requires your brain to replace old learning experiences gained through trauma.  The new experiences will be associated with a sense of calm and peacefulness. The brain requires blood through physical exercise.  It requires sleep and needs to dream.  The brain requires nourishment with foods such as leafy green vegetables, blueberries, walnuts, etc.  I would recommend you read further on 'brain foods' as there is quite a bit of literature available.

The downside for people with chronic stress or chronic depression, and PTSD is a lack of desire to exercise and they certainly do not sleep well.  I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of a civil law suit involving real estate. After nearly six years they dropped the case. During those six years they increased their demands to over $300,000. Our attorney fees cost us some $40,000.  This event created in me, a return to the abusive years as a child. I re-activated my neural pathway. During this same time frame, I took a new position as a clinic director.  The stress of meeting corporate demands, long hours, employee problems, etc. combined with my law suit had my neural pathways fully charged.  I felt like I had no control in my life and was locked away in the trunk of a car being driven around awaiting an execution.  If you take any abused child - now an adult, and take away all control over his/her destiny they will implode or explode.  Something will happen. I tried to hang myself!  Thank, God it did not happen! I was unable to pull myself up to the attached rope in the attic because of a painful shoulder.  This selfish act of mine changed my life.

I quit my job earning six figures.  I sought medical help.  I now have a mission to help strangers who suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety disorders.  I write about it, I tell others my story, and I make myself available to any and all.  The stigma of being mentally ill must be changed worldwide. Child abuse must be addressed. Insurance coverage for mentally ill people must be addressed. Parenting skills for teenage mothers must be addressed.

If you chose to read my novel, "The Shade Tree Choir" you will learn my real life story as a child.  While I was a prankster and drew people to me because of my laughter and humor, inside the laughter died at a very young age. 

My next Blog will cover how our thoughts help determine our behavior.  I would refer you to an excellent source on the internet.  Rebecca Anhalt has valuable information on this very subject.  I will be quoting from her Blog.  Her site is www.rebeccaanhalt.com

The Mentally Ill and Exceptionally Intelligent

Intelligent Crazy Killers

All of us have wondered these past few days about the 'why' of the school shooting.  Experts, politicians, law enforcement, media, and us in the public will be discussing it until another tragedy or another more interesting media created event is brought to light.  Then we will shift to it and the kids will be forgotten.  It is my belief that the core of this epidemic is mental illness.  Would any sane person shoot another in cold blood at a church, a mall, a theater, or an elementary school?  I think not.  I do not see the need for semi-automatic weapons with clips that house thirty bullets as being necessary.  That weapon is good for one thing - killing.  That, however, I leave to politicians.

 

I am discussing today, the relationship between high level, intelligence and mass killers.  The 'Una-Bomber, The Aurora Theater killer, possibly this kid in Connecticut, and others may give us some clue of genetic defect.  Does anyone know of any studies on this matter? Have any of you read the Blog titled, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother"?  This was written by Ms. Liza Long.  She has a thirteen year old son who has math scores off the charts.  He understands high level concepts and he is mentally ill.  She fears for her life.  When her son goes into the 'attack mode', the younger children activate the drill they practiced.  They run to the car and lock the doors.

Here is another instance of an exceptionally intelligent child who demonstrates the ability to hurt himself or others.  I have another story for you.  In the third grade, young 'Tom' (not his real name) could perform advanced algebra, understood geometry and was functioning at a freshman in college level.  He was reading at the sophomore in college level.  The gifted program he attended at school was no challenge, and there were behavior problems.  The social problems increased as he grew older.  The 'system' missed it all.  The school said the behavior was typical of some kids and they would 'keep an eye on it'.  His divorced mother had him committed to a State Mental Health Camp.  He slept outdoors in a tent, ate meals in the cafeteria, attended strict classes, and daily psychological counseling. His regimen was restricted.  He was told when to sleep, when to eat, permission was required for all phases of his life. He was in the ninth grade.

His father lived in another state and came for a series of meetings and counseling for a weekend with his son and the psychologist.  His father was told that 'Tom' was their poster child.  He was excelling in all phases of the program.  The weekend went great for both 'Tom' and his father.  It was a few weeks later he was discharged with maximum potential met.

This highly gifted, intelligent boy was placed in the accelerated classes as a sophomore.  Behavior was tense at times at home but not like it had been a year or so prior.  One day, 'Tom' stood up and walked out of class.  He walked out the door.  He walked out of the lives of his divorced parents.  He disappeared for a year.  Police reports were filed and he simply vanished.  Later the parents were to hear that he lived in a commune in another state, had lied about his age, and held a job.  The prodigal son returned married to a thirty year old woman.  He was seventeen.  Then he 'found religion'.

He appeared to settle into what appeared to be a normal life working as a plumber.  That was short-lived, as the mental illness returned with a vengeance.  He was diagnosed with apparent schizoid personality and was given medications.  He quit work and received disability.  By this time he had three children of his own.  He insisted they attend a Baptist School.  During conversations with his father he would quote scripture, tell the father he was preparing for a war against the Catholics, and admonish his father who was not 'right with the Lord'.  His wife would find him reading the Bible in the darken closet with a flashlight.  She knew he was not taking his medications.

After thirty years or more of nothing but negative stress the father hung up the telephone for the last time and disavowed his son.  The final straw was when 'Tom' said the father could no longer see his grandchildren because he drank beer.  And so it was - the grandfather cut all ties and never saw his grandchildren again.  The father refused to send any birthday cards, Christmas gifts, or answer the phone when the son would telephone.

There was no communication at all for several years.  One night the calls began at midnight.  Caller identification showed it was 'Tom'.  He called over and over - some fifteen times and the father did not answer the phone.  Then the words were spoken into the voice mail.  "I'm coming for you!  I am going to kill you!  You will not live to see tomorrow!"

Here was a once gifted, now mentally ill person who was on the verge of committing murder.  The father called his local police.  He called the sheriff and the police in the jurisdiction where the son lived.  He was told by authorities there was nothing they could do because of, "...his mental illness. People like this have more rights in this State than you or I," he was told.  Another department representative told the father, "The only way we get involved is if a crime is committed.  I suggest you get a gun!" 

Now intelligent, mentally ill people can be masters at quickly changing roles and behaviors.  The police did offer to go by the son's house and see if he was in a state of distress and not taking his medicines.  They called the father back after some time and said he appeared quite normal and was doing fine.  The phone calls stopped.  Oh yes, and the grandchildren - they were home schooled by the son and his wife!  How can any state in America allow the mentally ill to educate their children?

I don't know about the gun laws, but I do know the mental health laws and medical coverage should be examined.  How do I know all of this?

'Tom' was my son!

Want to help others?  Drop a line and pass on your experiences.

Stress and Chaos Are My Friends

Stress and Chaos Are My Friends

Abuse From Alcoholic Parents Creates Learned Behavior

In my novel, The Shade Tree Choir, I write about the physical abuse eight year old Krame experiences from his alcoholic father.  His mother is of no help as she too is an alcoholic and and mentally ill.  In the 1950s, tranquilizers were often prescribed as the drug of choice for 'nervous breakdowns'.  Keeping a person almost lethargic was a common result.  Today, that term 'nervous breakdown' may be described as Clinical Depression.  Krame's mother had severe depression and combined with the alcoholism created an individual incapable of nurturing her children.  Krame had to fend for himself for survival.

A common trait in an alcoholic home is stress.  Children never know when they will be beaten or emotionally abused.  They live in constant fear twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.  Any person living in a constant state of stress will actually find that the stress 'feels' normal.  Eventually they may not know how to behave in a 'stress-less' state.  Therein lies the paradox.  The very feeling they despise as a child becomes more comfortable for that child as he/she grows. Neurologically, what is happening is that a neural pathway has developed. This pathway is always in the brain.  It is reactivated any time there is stress for that person regardless of his/her age.

Do you remember the first time you rode a bicycle?  After several falls and more attempts, you achieved success.  You could ride a bike!  What happened in your brain is that you developed a neural pathway for successful bike riding.  Imagine, that you have not been on a bike for several years.  When you first attempt to ride, you might be a bit shaky and unstable.  After a few moments you will be right back riding like you did as a kid.  You reactivated the neural pathway that was laid down years before.  Emotions, reactions, and behaviors are exactly the same.

 Krame at age eight, set himself a goal of one day getting out of the house, the neighborhood, and the town never to return.  It was his method of developing a sense of control.  He wanted to control his destiny.  There was one place in the book where Krame promises himself, "Nobody will ever hurt me again."

Some 'adult survivors' from alcoholic parents  actually revert back to exactly what they wanted to run from as children.  They embrace stress and chaos because they are so familiar.  They find relationships that are destined to fail, they might seek stressful jobs, or they might become alcoholics like the parents.  Krame met his goal of running away and becoming a success.  But one must wonder, at what price?  Adult Children of Alcoholics can also become over-achievers who are relentless in their lives to never fail.  "You are a no good, dirty, son-of-a-bitch," is a phrase many of these children hear day in and day out.  Consequently, the child then begins to believe what the parent says must be true. A low self-esteem is set in concrete.  As an adult, that child then has to keep the demons away by appearing to be a success in the eyes of society.  Outsiders look at the person as being excellent at multitasking, solving problems, being in control, and stable.  In reality, that person can never allow the 'dog of defeat' attack his achilles heel and confirm what was told to him/her as a child - "You are a no good, dirty, son-of-a-bitch!"  They become successful in business, they might be senior managers, and two have become Presidents of the United States in the past forty years!

In The Shade Tree Choir, Krame is respected by his friends a the 'Great Thinker' who analyzes everything so they never get caught.  He already is an overachiever who never rests.  The reader can gather that Krame struggles with lots of inner turmoil.  Getting caught pulling pranks would be a sign of failing.  Krame would never allow that to happen.

So how does an adult confront those old demons?  I say embrace, accept, and rejoice in it!  It is who you are.  It is a part of your total being!  You are one of a kind!  You are special!  All the turmoil in the past has allowed you to live to this point.  If you are at a point where you are still on the 'pity pot' and want to blame others and are upset at your parents there is one thing some folks find healthy.  Write a letter to that person who is still upsetting you.  Say anything you want in any way you chose!  Even if they are dead, you can still do this activity.  After writing, feel the paper, smell the paper, and crumple it up.  Then burn it!  Those physical acts can often relieve inner stress. 

* Allow yourself to fail at something.  Take up golf.  That will humble you quickly
* You do not have to know all the answers.
* You do not have to always be 'right'.
* There are erasers on the "Pencils of Life" for mistakes.  In the movie, City Slickers, it was called a 'do-over'.  We can all have do-overs in our lives.
* Give yourself fifteen minutes a day for quiet time.  maybe try meditating.  Take up Yoga or Tai Chi
* Learn a new hobby.  Something that requires deep concentration can be helpful.  Some examples might be painting, creating stained glass, punch needle, etc.
* Give thanks!  Thank your Higher Power.  Thank your significant other.  Thank your inner child who still needs attention.


Want to help others?  Drop a line on what you do to manage stress.  Someone reading your comments might learn something new and find relief.

 

Reduce Holiday Stress

Managing Holiday Stress 

Did you ever find yourself being 'thankful' that the holiday was over?  Do you find yourself stressed with all the new activity, crammed schedules, and so many changes from your normal lifestyle?  Did you ever wonder why we try to stuff happiness into one day a year?  Did you ever feel sick after receiving your credit card bill for all those purchases you made above your budget?  If so, you are not alone.

One definition of stress is simply, Change.  When the body is put into a new change or activity there are certain results that occur.  Some of these include:

• Blood Pressure Rises
• Cholesterol and Fats are mobilized in the Blood Stream
• Sugar Output is increased to fuel muscles
• Blood Clotting time is reduced   
• "Stress Hormones" are increased
• Muscles become tense and tight
• White Blood Cell count is reduced making us susceptible to infections  
• Depression increases 

Here are some simple Stress Management Techniques you might try during the Holidays:

•  Do Fewer Activities.  Do you really need to send Holiday cards to people you don't really know?  Do you really need to make cookies and other foods?  Do you really need to spend money on gifts for co-workers?  Is that larger tree really necessary? Do you really need to decorate the outside of the house and yard?
• Learn to Say NO! Set a budget and stick to it.  Avoid high ticket items you really can not afford.  Don't give small gifts to co-workers and distant family, as the costs add up.  Why decorate outside?  What are you trying to say or prove?  Decline what you perceive as 'mandatory' attendance at Holiday parties - if you really don't want to be there.  Do you really need to send those cards?

• Do something for others.  A great Stress Management technique is to do something for the less fortunate.  'Giving' is what the Holiday should be about.  How about skipping that big expensive family dinner and volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter.  Maybe, you could get permission and then go to a nursing home on Christmas Day just to sit and chat with older folks who have no family.  Maybe, you could budget an amount where you know of a deserving family and give them the cash.

Here is an introduction to my Christmas Poem I wrote many years ago and can be found in my book, Campfire Collection of Cowpoke Poetry. Soon it will be  posted on You Tube where you can see me performing it for a television show in Nashville, Tennessee.

Everyday is Christmas Out on the Range

A cowboy workin' a line camp job on a cold December day

Finished ridin' fences, spreadin' salt, and keepin' cows from goin' astray.

He melted ice on the cracklin' flame to make a pot of brew,

And sittin' on his haunches, pokin' the coals with a stick, he said, "Lord, this day's for You.

I don't have no turkey, the stuffin', and all the trim.

Just some beans and coffee. And some might think this meal slim.

I've got You all around me & with this here Good Book, that's all I need.

And my gift to ya, Lord is a few chapters I'd like to read."

So he read aloud of Mary, Wise Men, Shepherds and such,

And when he finished he gazed into the Heavens and said, "Thank you, Lord, oh so much.

For Everyday is Christmas here upon the range,

And some some hearin' me talk like this might think I'm plum strange....

I do hope each of you has a 'stress-less' Holiday.

David 'Buffalo Bill' Nelson

www.davidnelsonauthor.com